Stone Heart

I wonder if I could get away with calling in sick today. Could say that I have a sore throat from sitting in a freezing cold office for 2 days? When was the last time I was away from the office. November 24th and 25th- but that was because I got hit by a car. But I have that coffee date tonight. OK, guess I'm going to work. I have that new book for the bus anyway.

This was my thought process when I first gained consciousness this morning. Hardly surprising. This is pretty much what goes on in my head every morning. Funny how I wasn't motivated by all the people at work that would be "let down" if I didn't show up (if they even noticed) but by the fact that I had a coffee date after work. Ish.

So I'm here. Was just scouring headlines to see if there was anything good that happened today. As it happens there was. An anonymous donor in Windsor, Ontario made a generous gesture, that allowed 1000 people to have a warm meal and some entertainment. This warmed my cold, frozen stone (heart) a little bit.

But then John walked by and a noticeable chill was back in the air. I am convinced that he has no soul.

Yesterday after I posted, I got word that we were each having a little pow-wow with Amy and Veronica. About what was happening in the department and what our career goals were. And if you read yesterday's post, you might have deduced that I was in no mood to play nice. You would have been right. Even though I had an epiphany last week, I found it hard to be anything other than brutally honest.

I don't want to be here. I don't want to go into a branch. I don't like what I do. I'm bored out of my mind. And most people here piss me off.

That would have summed it up I think.

I was really caught off guard by Amy and Veronica treating me almost as an equal. And laughing and joking with me. Immediately I was placated. My groundwork last week totally paid off. There were no discussions about furthering my career or even my qualifications. They were just telling me what was going on.

Points for me.

But then, just now, as I was merrily typing away words of my astounding (albeit very small) victory, who should appear at my shoulder like a creepy perv, but John. I very slowly and deliberately closed this window and went back into our system all the while loudly discussing some concerns that I had about what I was doing. The loudness is key. It makes them think that you really are working hard and really do have legitimate concerns about stuff.

Yes, stuff.

Do you know what he was doing the whole time he was looming over me? Slurping his coffee. SLURPING. Are grown ups even allowed to slurp? Wasn't that something your mother always told you was rude? Didn't you get in trouble for that? If my mom heard me slurping she just looked at me and I stopped. Slurping! Disgusting. And he's in charge of me!

The cherry on top of my day? Veronica's boyfriend confirmed for her last night that they have tickets to the World Cup of Soccer in South Africa. She will be going to at least 4 games, but maybe 6. In South Africa. For 3 weeks. Must be nice to have so much vacation time. Not to mention the money to spend on tickets to world cup soccer and flights to South Africa. Anna did point out to me that they live with their parents and have no expenses other than their cars and expensive clothes. Even better that I will get to hear about it and have to be enthusiastic about it for...oh the next 6 months? They're going to cheer on a country that hasn't a prayer of making it out of the qualifiers though (not like the Dutch. Its our year. For sure). But they still get to go!

I've had enough. I'm going to keep looking for stories of Christmas spirit. Those should cheer me up.